I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
