just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
