so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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