hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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