Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
