he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
