false alarm. still invincible.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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