I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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