I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
false alarm, still single
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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