he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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