I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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