If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
