Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
