i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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