He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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