there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
