would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
