i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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