is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
