Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
