I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
