I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize