forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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