yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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