This is not my ceiling
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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