I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
