Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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