WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
