You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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