I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
