im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
