great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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