so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
