Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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