So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
