we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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