ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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