she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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