So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
