Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
