garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
