i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
