Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think your dad took our porno
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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