i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
