I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
