why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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