He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
