i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
