apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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