What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
