trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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