I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
