On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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