Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
