The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
