i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
