I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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