I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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