Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
