cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
