I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
try to milk me bitch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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