Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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