i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
