How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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