how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
