btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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