the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
