You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
