i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
