i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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