Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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