I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
