Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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