"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
